Time to Let Go of the Past and Move On

Recently I have had some great news!!!! I was battling a financial dispute with my 'ex' husband who can not be my 'ex' husband because my 15 year marriage to him was annulled in 2007 due to the following....

In 2007 just as my twin daughters turned one, I had a gut feeling that my husband was having an affair. Don't ask me how I knew but any woman who has been in a similar situation will tell you 'you just know'. The classic signs were there of course like... he was suddenly being all bothered about matching his clothes and changing his hairstyle, he started working longer hours away from home which was an alarm bell for me since we had a family business and most the work was from home. He would be unreachable on his mobile and then the unexplained overnight business trips up and down the country. His phone would ring and he would go in the garden to take the call hmm.

He became stuck to his phone when he was home and just simply had no time for me or the twins. When the communication between us just simply came to a halt, I found myself going through his pockets looking for clues. This immediately paid off.  On the first occasion I did this, I found impotence tablets and well use your imagination!

This really hurt me and I know straight away he would lie rather than man up to it and admit he was having an affair. I managed to get him to stand still for ten minutes while I confronted him and showed him what I had found. His reaction was one of GUILT!!! He laughed in my face then denied the whole thing saying something like “the stuff belonged to a friend of his who had borrowed his jacket.” Hmm lies, lies, lies. Things had not been right between us since the twins had been born and I was receiving no support from him and at this point he was not allowing (yes I said allowing) any of my family to come and help out with the twins even though I was suffering with lack of sleep, had undergone a Caesarean Section to have the twins and on top of this my back was playing up which later resulted in a slipped disc.

Ok to cut the story short.... this carried on for a few months before the truth came out.  He was in fact having an affair with a woman three years younger than me who had four children of her own. I was devastated even though our marriage had never been an easy one and was basically still existent on the fact that what he says goes...he makes the rules and controls everything from the finances to what me and my older daughter who was 16 at the time wore to what we ate and when. It was just heart breaking to see how differently he treated us from this other family he had now gotten involved with.

Anyway I got a solicitor and filed for a divorce, I moved out of the matrimonial home and into rental accommodation with my three daughters. He remained in the home as I was not in a financial position to afford to stay there for the sheer size of the property. Within a week of the girls and I moving out, he moved in his mistress and her children.

When the case got to court and I was about to start Ancillary Relief Proceedings.... A woman attended the court accompanied by a barrister asking to put a stop to the proceedings as 'she was his wife' at this point she became an Intervener in the proceedings. Now this was another blow and setback as my husband had told me he had been married before but had said it was an arranged marriage in Pakistan, his dad had forced him to marry her but his dad had also witnessed him giving her a verbal divorce.

At the time I did not know what to believe but I was very shocked and distressed at this news because the court decided to put a hold on all proceedings until it could be determined who was legally his wife. This took over a year of back and forth solicitors trips and the collation of reports, statements and documentation. When we got back to court a year or so later it was decided that my marriage would be annulled because he was still legally married to his first wife so my marriage was null and void!!! A part of me rejoiced inside to be rid of such an undesirable character but the other side felt so unhappy that this man could have spent the last 15 years with me and treated me this way and lived such a big lie.

The consequent court hearings were a three way battle between us trying to establish who contributed what and what each party should get. Over the four year period I saw the well established used car business disappear to nothing with assets being dissipated and money vanishing abroad. There were a number of properties that were assists at the beginning of my court case that also disappeared or were run down until the receivers came in and repossessed them, selling them off for a fraction of the price they were worth.

All the while this was going on my ex was trading privately in the car trade and did not pay any taxes but ran up his overdraft to an enormous amount of something in region of £360,000.00. He maxed out his credit cards and simply settled on the verge of bankruptcy just so if he showed enormous debts then he would not have to give me our girls anything and even up till this day has not paid a penny in maintenance. Any trading he was doing he was doing privately, not maintaining any accounts and cash in hand or via the use of his new partner’s bank accounts.

He purchased property abroad and over the four year period managed to maintain his high standard of living that which he was accustomed to even though he was stating he was not working and had no earnings. He managed to travel back and forth from Pakistan at least twice a year travelling only business class!!!! All the while I struggled to make ends meet. In the four year period I concentrated on nursing myself back to health, looking after my daughters and not only did I return to college and qualify as a Level 3 Teaching Assistant, I have volunteered at a Local Infant School for the third year running and I am now studying with ICS to become a freelance Make-Up Artist. I have found comfort in doing this as I am not one of those people who sits around and let’s herself get depressed. I kept myself busy and that is what has helped me in getting through this ordeal.

Finally.....Last week I have had a good result and closure to this case, I won and have been granted the matrimonial home and have been allowed to sell it YAY!!!!. Since the financial dispute did not go in his favour, he has chosen to back down from contact with the twins too. The girls will be six this may and their father has never been present for any of their birthdays and has never even sent them a card!!!! So I say 'good riddance to bad rubbish'.

I have not given all the inn’s and outs of my life over the last twenty odd years but a simple over view of the kind of stuff that has made me the person I am today and why I feel now is the time to move on and not look back. Closure at last!!!

For me the battle was never about the money but more about JUSTICE and the fact that he should be seen for the liar, cheat, fraudster and player he was.

ANY man can get a woman pregnant and be a FATHER but it takes a very SPECIAL man to be loving, caring, committed and devoted enough to be a good DAD and husband of course! I have a lot of respect for Grand-dads, Boyfriends and Step-dads who stand in when the biological dads are absent or can't be bothered.

Throughout this ordeal the main thing that has kept me going, even though at times it was shaken and really put to the test... My Faith! So THANK YOU GOD!!! I AM VERY GRATEFUL...

For all You have given, Thank You God.
For all You have withheld, Thank You God.
For all You have withdrawn, Thank You God.
For all You have permitted, Thank You God.
For all You have prevented, Thank You God.
For all You have forgiven me, Thank You God.
For all You have prepared for me, Thank You God.
For having created me, Thank You God.

When we realize that God has all power to do anything he wants, and that he always uses it for the good of humanity, then we can have absolute confidence that we are in good hands. He has both the ability and the stated purpose of working all things, including even our rebellion, hatred and betrayal against him and one another, toward our salvation. He is completely trustworthy—worthy of our trust....

When we are in the midst of trials, sickness, suffering and even dying, we can be confident that God is still with us, that he cares for us, that he has everything under control. It may not look like it, and we certainly do not feel in control, but we can be confident that God isn’t caught off guard. He can and does redeem any situation, any misfortune, for our good. 

I am also very grateful to my parents, siblings, daughters and friends without whom my live would not have been worth anything so THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT, I love you all. 

Have a blessed day everyone :-) x